On the real,

You were the realest thing I ever felt. No doubt about it. And not a day goes by where I don’t think about you. I miss having you in my life. It’s not because I’m lonely. You’re just not in it anymore, and that blows. You are the one thing I can look back on, and always smile about. Maybe even tear up over. Even though you may have forgotten about me, there will always be a place for you on my mind, and in my heart.

It's been a while

since I've been genuinely happy around you. When you're around, I feel so much pain, and everything that happened in the past comes rushing back. You don't understand how I feel. I mean, when you're around, I'm always laughing and smiling, but to be honest, I'm smiling to let you know that I've been fine without you - to let you know I've been strong and you have not affected me. However, we all know that's far from the truth.

So I Remember

how you used to try so hard to get me to believe you. I think that's how I knew you cared. Now, it's just dead, and I don't know what to do.

I feel trapped.

So here I am,

4 months later, without you. I read my old posts about you. I honestly thought we could have made it through. We survived the shipwreck, but we just couldn't come back to shore together on the lifeboat. You threw me overboard. I didn't think we would ever turn out this way. You've moved on, but I'm still sitting here, still reminiscing, still living in yesterday. These memories keep me alive. Everyday, I'll remember a different memory of what we did together. Sometimes, I'll smile to myself, but usually, I cry. When you left, it was like someone died. It's actually worse than the pain of someone dying. You're still here, but what was going on between us is dead and long gone. That's the painful part. When a relationship ends, it's like death. It's the end of something, but knowing that person is still there and you have to watch them be happy with someone else is probably the worse part. I've been mourning us - kind of like how someone mourns someone's death. I'm not dealing very well. I count the days. I trusted you, B. I trusted you with all I had, and you continually let me down. You broke me down completely. I opened myself up to you, and you pushed me off the balcony and left me for dead.
So here I am, in the safe haven of my blogspot. My feelings will forever be kept from you.
I think the worst part is you don't know how I feel. You think I'm fine, you think I've moved on, but you can't be any more wrong. The pain has not numbed one bit these 4 months. Sometimes, I think I miss you more than I had. You've changed. You're not you. You're not the guy I fell for. You're trying so hard to please everyone. That's not you. Please don't change.

P.S. I miss you - just in case you didn't know.