So yesterday,

made me realize how much of a sweetheart you are. I'm not sure if you do that to every girl, but I know you hate it when I sit far away from you. It was sweet how you reached over to hold my hand, even though I would try to let go. Honestly, I really didn't want to. I just wanted to see if you were willing to tug back. When your parents left, you laid on my lap. Can I say total bliss? Haha. Despite me saying otherwise, I enjoyed it - probably as much as you did. And in that time frame of about an hour when your little brother left, you grabbed my arm and wrapped it around you. Believe it or not, yes I wanted to hold you there, but I still want to know your intentions toward me, so I couldn't let you know that I'm in this deep. Coincidentally, your TV lost it's signal and we were on your couch in complete darkness. You asked me if I wanted to kiss you. And boy, believe me, I did. Stupid me decided to go and kid with the subject, which made you think I didn't want to. I asked you the same, and you told me, "I do want to kiss you right now," my heart fluttered. We went on joking about the subject, but we never did anything. Your parents came home right when we were sitting in the dark. It was awkward. You played it off cool and sat up, but damn. My reputation is new ruined. It's cool. You're worth it.

Then again, you're also worth the heartbreak.

I Know

I know I'm being played - not for a fact, but vaguely.
People don't change, and seeing as you are who you are,
I should probably stay away from you.
That being said, I tried.
It's not going to work; I know I'm heading straight for destruction by getting into this.
But whatever. You're worth the pain.
I don't know who I am anymore.
Is this still me?

I would say this is the equivalent of commit suicide.

Back

It has been so long since I have been on Blogspot. I find this place as somewhat of an online sanctuary. Do not get me wrong, I love Tumblr too, but on Blogspot, I find more privacy due to the fact that I have very few friends who would choose Blogspot over Tumblr. For that, I am extremely thankful to Blogspot. Lately, I have been so caught up on guys, my life seemed to come to a sudden halt. I do not know what I want. I have options, but it depends on the risk I am willing to take. The higher I aim, the further I will fall, the bigger the chance of getting hurt. I really hope somewhere along the way I will decide for myself. There's a guy. He's nice and very caring toward me, but I am not sure if that is what I want. Then again, there is another. And another. And another. And another.