I'm done being called stupid

They tell me I'm fucking up.

They tell me that you're bad for me,

and boy, trust me.

I know you are. I know it for a fact, but I can't

help but question "what if's" if I let you go.

I tried SO HARD to be able to walk away,

but you didn't let me. You tugged and pulled, and you won.

We fought for 3 days straight - both nights up until the AM.

The same issues, the same disapproval, but we found compromise

beneath all the rubble of what was left of our feelings.

It was good letting you know how much you hurt me because

I could tell you felt bad.

And you're making up for it.

And I can see it.

What doesn't break us only makes us stronger.

And when it comes to you and I, I find this to be so true.

I came through for you and didn't listen to people criticizing me,

telling me I'm fucking up.

I just hope you can do the same for me.

Or try not to hurt me, at the least bit.

Our conversations got more serious as we pushed past all the anger

we had toward one another of the accusations.

You never admitted your faults, but you never denied them.

And I'm pleased that you didn't deny them.

However, what hurt most was you putting the blame on me.

I never did anything.

You hurt me, and it was somehow.. my fault?

It didn't make sense.

I can tell you're sorry and you want to make it up,

but how?

You hurt me and lost my trust.

Even though my heart is still by your side, it's hanging by a thread.

So please don't ruin your last toll.

I would hate to lose you.

I've got some issues that nobody can see, and all of these emotions are pouring out of me.

Ignorance is bliss.

I wish I never found out because either way, I still forgave you.

I didn't need an explanation from you.

I just needed you to know that you still give a fuck about me.

And you do.

So that's that.

I'm.
So.
Confused.

I think if really came down to it,

and we were together, I would give you a clean slate. I don't want to lose it, but knowing you, you wouldn't be able to stand being without "it". So, if it really came down to it, I would let you "tap" anyone you want, but the rules are, you cannot let me know/find out/fuck anyone that I would end up knowing about.
That's how much I am willing to do for you.

Back

to the safety of my blogspot. On tumblr, I always felt a little vulnerable to my emotions and those who would read them. But on blogspot, I don't have to worry about that.

Well anyway,
I think I'm falling a lot harder than I originally intended to.

After this long,

I still feel obligated to protect my heart.
Yes, I do have feelings for you.
And yes, they're not minor feelings.
If anything, they're major. I haven't felt this way in a while for someone; It feels kind of refreshing. I guess this would be the wrong timing for these feelings, but I decided to take a risk and I'm willing to follow through with it. You're worth it.
I guess knowing who you are makes me kind of afraid.
Afraid that you will deceive me.
And I cannot afford to get hurt - not right now at least.
So here I go again, shooting down a one-way road with no destination.
I guess it's time I leave my same zone. Who knows?
I might get something good out of this.

ANYWAY, back to him.
Today, he finally spoke of his life to me.
I guess it's good that he's not the type of guy who nags and complains, but he
never really bothers to tell me something in-depth about him.
His baby sister was born today.
I love how family-oriented he is. I know he's lying when he said he doesn't party and he's a good boy, but when I see how he treats his family, it makes me have some faith in him.
But you never know.

I guess I will wrap this up with I really like him and I hope this goes somewhere.