Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Suck it.

Today is April 22nd, in case someone who read this is too retarded to notice the date. A casual day I would say, no drama, no anger. Well, not too much anger for the most part. I hate Mr.May; no, not hate, dislike would be a better term. He's a- well, I can't even find the right adjective to suit him, it'd simply be too positive. Therefore, I'll leave it on a note of he's an ass. There. I need some air nowadays, simply too much pressure. It's the end of the quarter, it was the end of the quarter. Now it's a brand new fresh start. Yeah, makes me feel like I'm gonna die soon. I have a good 50 years. I wanna bitch slap someone today. I'm angry now. These mood swings keep coming back. I have feelings of animosity at b___. He comes and leaves, he can't seem to settle his mind. It's been a year that I've liked him starting next week. Incredible how time flies, isn't it? Speaking of change, I need change. I need the change that he had when he decided he could leave shit behind. Lord give me the strength to get over with it. I'm lying to myself again, I haven't been down this road in a few years. 2008 brings back bittersweet memories, like spending New Years with him and being afraid to even go "Happy New Year!" and sitting in a little corner. I believe October and November of 2008 were the best days of my life. That includes when M___ used to be in it too. Change, yeah, well I fucking hate change. I've decided that now. I need it, but I hate it. It's like air. Air might not be the most appropriate term since I hold no grudge against it, but you get the idea. I've changed a lot too. For the better I believe, and some for the worst. It's amazing how I grew out of boys being my biggest weakness and now I could never seem to have decided and mad decisions for myself, as well as moving on and leaving things behind me. Last year, I didn't even fathom why we used "than" instead of "then", but now, I believe I have grown too much to imagine. However, I'm still the huge potty mouth who uses way too much profanity and still wants to fit in. Yeah, that's the harsh reality. I remember when drugs were "cool", how I believed that I'd be surrounded by a sea of people. Instead of that, I was isolated, I couldn't enjoy my year. Aside from that, it brought me great depression. Reality seemed too far to grasp for me. I find I'm too quick to judge. I really like S__, she's nice. I can't understand why I hated her to begin with. The jealousy is growing pretty badly inside me. I was blinded by the green monster, and when I think about it, she should've been the one who hated me for still ... I prefer not to revisit the past. So today, I've decided to move on. I'm hungry, my thoughts don't seem to come to me as quick as it usually does. Speaking of venting and ranting, hot guys are gay, always gay. It's weird. The guys who work at American Apparel are really hot, but they're always gay. -sigh- I need new glasses, I despise my old ones and my eyes seem to be getting worse. SO, I will leave on an ending note of, MONIQUE, "funner" is not a valid term! LEARN IT! Or so help me god, I will give you a lecture on how it would NOT benefit you. So that is all, for now-I guess.


Sincerely,
Diane Ho

1 comment:

  1. you speak so educatedly.
    if that's a word,
    cause that's funnner :D

    ReplyDelete